You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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