omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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