wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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