Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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