I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.