from now on my penis is your penis
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
