Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night