I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?