Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.