He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill