we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.