my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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