I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize