So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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