We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
