Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
