Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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