My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm both gender and math confused
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
