dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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