Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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