...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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