i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
