I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
