I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
FUCK WHALES
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
