I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My vagina just clenched in fear
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
