If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
