i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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