I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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