T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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