He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
