ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Please, let me fuck your mom
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
