i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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