I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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