Don't you send me to vm
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
