Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
That's intense
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
