That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
