By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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