I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
