drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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