Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
