You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
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you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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