I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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