my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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