i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
