You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
