I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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