A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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