I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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