At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
