Banned from zoo.
Again?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
