Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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