At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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