I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
