i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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