"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
