he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
