Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
