PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it hurts more in the daytime
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
