I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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