Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
