We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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