he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
