i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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