I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
