I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
