I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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