Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
