Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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