I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
