You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
