how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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