Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
