I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
