I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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