so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
