Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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