no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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