I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
