Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
