please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
