Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
