he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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