Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
