never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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