I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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