I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
