so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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