So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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