i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
